oh what a day.

A saying I found on Pinterest. 

Being pregnant is great but sometimes I am so excited to be done with it. I have so many emotions where sometimes I just don't know what to do with them. I can't make my mind up or decided on anything. I feel like I am going to be getting every pregnancy symptom possible ((which probably isn't true but it sure feels like it)). I am sick of worrying about gaining weight. I know I need to since I lost so much during the first 3 to 4 months of my pregnancy, but I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I need to gain weight. It just is a fact thing for me to do. I really don't want to gain weight because I am scared out of my pants that I won't be able to lose it and then I will be "fat". I feel like I am never going to feel normal again. This is applying to being able to eat normally. To explain more, I pretty much couldn't eat when I was sick with morning sickness, then when I started to get an appetite I was scared to eat because I was scared that I would just throw it back up ((which is not fun and is a hard thing to overcome when that is it you did for months)). Then I got sick with a bad cold, which made me just want to drink juice and eat little of things. And now I am starting to feel better from the cold, I start getting heartburn. I feel like the world is coming after me! I am just so scatter-brained right now that I just don't know what to do with myself. I just don't know what is going on. I have no motivation to do my homework, listen during class, or clean our apartment. I really need some help. I know what I am doing is what the Lord wants but I sometimes wonder, can I handle this. I really don't like my job, correction I hate my job. I just don't enjoy it and don't see where I would use it later in my life. I really want to quit and be able to focus on school and being a homemaker, but I know that I need to work so we can have money to live off of. I have so much to do for school for my portfolio that I just don't know where to start. I just feel like I don't know what I am doing and I won't be able to do what I see in my mind, so then I won't be happy with the work that I do. I have this big portfolio event that is going to be happening a month after our little guy is born and it is stressing me out! I know I have like 5 months to do it but with everything else that is going on during those 5 months makes me feel like I won't have time to do it! I want to try and finish it before I even have our little guy so I can focus on being a mom when he comes. I know that I will have help but it still scares the crap out of me. And then I start thinking about being able to give him the best life that he deserves. Casey and I are a poor young happily married couple, we don't have much to give. Yes, we are going to give him everything we can but there is so much more that I want to be able to give him. He isn't even here and I am worrying about where he will grow up, if he will have friends, what choices he will make, teaching him to choose the right, and much much more. Is this even normal for me to be going through.?! I bet it is but still I am just going crazy. Ok it might be some of the crazy pregnancy hormones that I have right now but I am just ready to be done sometimes but I don't want to be done but I know if he comes now then he has a very little chance of living and that is not something I want. I want a healthy baby boy. And I know that we will have this healthy baby boy. I do love my life and I do love everyone that is in it and I do know that what I am going through is suppose to be happening and that I will be able to get through it even if it is going to hard but I have great supporters that will support me and I have the Lord to guide me, but sometimes I just don't know what to do. That is all. Goodnight.

♥ The Schroeder