The waiting game sucks!

Well I am now full term and could have little w anytime. All I have to do is wait. And to tell you the truth it sucks. My bag is pack, clothes are washed, car seat is in the car, and I am mentally ready. But I still have to wait until my body puts itself into labor. I don't have much patiences when it comes to stuff like this. Meaning I don't have patience when I know something is going to happen but I just don't know when. So pretty much the waiting game sucks! I am ready. I know that I should enjoy the sleep and time with just Casey and I while I can but to be honest I am ready for little w to come into our lives. I am ready to have someone with me all day every day. I don't like being alone. I am ready to have a little guy to love unconditionally. I am ready. I sometimes wish I could just pray to Heavenly Father and ask him to put me into labor. But I know that won't work because he has a plan for everything and that might not be his plan yet. But I really just want to meet the little guy. I am really anxious to see what he looks like, be able to hold him, and to be a mommy to him. Why can't he come already? Haven't I been pregnant for long enough?! I think so. I just want to be able to hold and meet my son!

Well hopefully the time will go by fast and I will be able to meet and hold him soon.

oh what a day.

A saying I found on Pinterest. 

Being pregnant is great but sometimes I am so excited to be done with it. I have so many emotions where sometimes I just don't know what to do with them. I can't make my mind up or decided on anything. I feel like I am going to be getting every pregnancy symptom possible ((which probably isn't true but it sure feels like it)). I am sick of worrying about gaining weight. I know I need to since I lost so much during the first 3 to 4 months of my pregnancy, but I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I need to gain weight. It just is a fact thing for me to do. I really don't want to gain weight because I am scared out of my pants that I won't be able to lose it and then I will be "fat". I feel like I am never going to feel normal again. This is applying to being able to eat normally. To explain more, I pretty much couldn't eat when I was sick with morning sickness, then when I started to get an appetite I was scared to eat because I was scared that I would just throw it back up ((which is not fun and is a hard thing to overcome when that is it you did for months)). Then I got sick with a bad cold, which made me just want to drink juice and eat little of things. And now I am starting to feel better from the cold, I start getting heartburn. I feel like the world is coming after me! I am just so scatter-brained right now that I just don't know what to do with myself. I just don't know what is going on. I have no motivation to do my homework, listen during class, or clean our apartment. I really need some help. I know what I am doing is what the Lord wants but I sometimes wonder, can I handle this. I really don't like my job, correction I hate my job. I just don't enjoy it and don't see where I would use it later in my life. I really want to quit and be able to focus on school and being a homemaker, but I know that I need to work so we can have money to live off of. I have so much to do for school for my portfolio that I just don't know where to start. I just feel like I don't know what I am doing and I won't be able to do what I see in my mind, so then I won't be happy with the work that I do. I have this big portfolio event that is going to be happening a month after our little guy is born and it is stressing me out! I know I have like 5 months to do it but with everything else that is going on during those 5 months makes me feel like I won't have time to do it! I want to try and finish it before I even have our little guy so I can focus on being a mom when he comes. I know that I will have help but it still scares the crap out of me. And then I start thinking about being able to give him the best life that he deserves. Casey and I are a poor young happily married couple, we don't have much to give. Yes, we are going to give him everything we can but there is so much more that I want to be able to give him. He isn't even here and I am worrying about where he will grow up, if he will have friends, what choices he will make, teaching him to choose the right, and much much more. Is this even normal for me to be going through.?! I bet it is but still I am just going crazy. Ok it might be some of the crazy pregnancy hormones that I have right now but I am just ready to be done sometimes but I don't want to be done but I know if he comes now then he has a very little chance of living and that is not something I want. I want a healthy baby boy. And I know that we will have this healthy baby boy. I do love my life and I do love everyone that is in it and I do know that what I am going through is suppose to be happening and that I will be able to get through it even if it is going to hard but I have great supporters that will support me and I have the Lord to guide me, but sometimes I just don't know what to do. That is all. Goodnight.

♥ The Schroeder

I am ready!

I am ready for many things. But the one thing that is on my mind right now is moving. I am ready to move. I want to move to a new apartment. I want to move to California. I want to move to a different ward.

I want to move!

This apartment is small, worn-down, smells like smoke, has terrible washer and dryer, and is just old! It needs a remodel! But I am grateful to have a place to live.

Utah.. Has bizzare weather, people are sometimes rude, and is just not my type of a place to live.

California is.. amazing! wondering! has both side of our family close so we can visit them. has beaches and sun! has much more activities to do when you have a day off. It is just better and where I want to spend the rest of my life and have our children grow up there.

My ward is full of old people that don't think I know what I am doing and I don't know anything. Isn't very friendly. But I still go and love feeling the spirit.

There are many things that I want right now but I am trying to look at the things that I have and be grateful for those things instead of looking at the negative all the time. So I just needed to vent about the things that have been bugging me lately so I could get that off my chest.

Ugh!

This weather is ridiculous! I am so sick of it raining or snowing all the time. I want the sun to come out. It is just making me depressed and lazy how it is cold all the time. All I want to do is sunggle up with Casey in bed or on the couch and watch movies all day long. Forget work, school, cleaning, and my list of things that I want to get done. I have not motivation to do anything. UGH! This weather is just ridiculous! Casey and I can't wait to get out of Utah and go back to California to live there for the rest of our lives! The sandy beaches, the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the creeping from the birds in the morning, waking up to the sun hitting your face, being able to feel the heat from the sun, having the chance to layout in the sun and get tan, being able to go outside without a jacket and not being cold, wearing spring colors and summer clothes. Oh I just miss California and I am sick of this Utah weather business! Rain and Snow please go away!